would it be enough to understand
why we feel lost
in a world so small
if only love could find us all
we are.
meant to live.
our lives.
the calling.
my happy ending.
if only.
i miss you.
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
One more objective for 2004:
.Don't be and idiot. Consideration is priceless. Being mean is not an excuse.
And so. Here we are at the end of this chapter. Only 13 more hours untill I close the book of 2003. Being mean is my forte. Not that I'm proud of it anyway. Ego just stands in the way of my everything. My pride IS my downfall. Basically, I'm torn now between what i know is right and my superiority. Domineering self yes?Gosh..
This is the edited version: Someone has just slapped me in the face. Its hurting oh yes. Very very very painful. Considering i hold that person in high esteem. And no, All she had to do was take a stab at my heart. Ouch. Tearing me apart.
6 more hrs to go before we call it 2004. This year has been okay i guess. Apart from a lot of rough terrians and choppy seas.. Its part of life right? We can't just live on cloud nine all the time. Oh no. Not forever. Suffering's part of smth we call being human. And to think abt it the apostles suffered much more than me. So i don't have the right to complain. Going to move on to a new phase. Leaving my primary sch behind.. Everyone cried on the last day.. Its so romantic.. So tearing..
Look, my eyes are watering. The year has been well done. I guess.
Stagnant. Ouch.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 10:40 am
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Warning: Seed is back. For those of you who saw the argument I had with her on my tagboard, you know the trouble you are in.
So much for that.. Just added music to my blog. One meaningful song that is. Prefects sang it for teachers day last year I think, but cldnt make out the words at all. So sorry Nat. It was a failure. I guess you already figured that out anyway. I'm just rubbing salt into the already-inflamed-wound. Time heals right? Yes. It does too.
Burned the night to finish my homework, and got a lously 38 for it. I took nearly 2 whole hrs to finish reading the newspaper article, much less write a review. I'm getting rusty and dreading the days till sch reopens. Which, if you think abt it, only amounts to 2 more days. I guess this is worth celebrating=). Solitaire showdown is not nerve-racking. Funny how it actually makes me see how little i want to lose. Human nature's just irritating. Plain annoying. Overcomable but not impossible.
Lincoln's alarm went off out of the blue, startling me quite terribly. Esther's trying to learn baking from my mum, while upstairs i hear Desmond and his friends screaching:"I stand in awe of you". It sounds alright. I guess. Or maybe that's the 'perfect pitch' as Desmond tells me he has. Oh alright. Desmond can sing well. I admit.
Bleah is such a juvenile word. It sounds really Vanessa/Nikki-like. Louisa doesnt seem like the kind who uses it really. Not her character for that word.(P.S. I dont mean to say that vanessa and nikki are juvenile tho. Its just their kind of word.. really.) Like how aye is sophisticated yet simple, and not really Francesca-like. Its bias towards Natalie. You understand me right? That how much i realize *diao~ is so not me, and that crash really suits and all.
The crooning of 'God will make a way' floats to my ears. Not bad sounding really. If you take the girl's voice out. Not that i can sing, so i'm in no position to critise it really. I should do her justice. I cant believe I'm so mean. Adrian is right i guess. I'm horrible. Sighs.
People have been talking to me. Helping me, i guess.. Thank God for yrall. You are really an encouragement to me=). Press on!
p.s. I dont like to be acting, but i dont want to hurt yr feelings as much as i consider it worthless already.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 6:42 pm
Monday, December 29, 2003
Yes. I AM back on again. Call me addicted. Tuition's tomorrow. I still havent done the homework. Just spent the whole day down at Orchard Rd. Bought clothes and more clothes. Stuff basically. Rather boring if you think abt it.
After qt, when out to Rg for the It survey. 40 minutes bus ride there. Not v fun, as you'd have guessed. It was 30 minutes late. So another 30 minutes of waiting with the 104 girls, 2 of whom i have already gotten to know=). So we chatted and complained abt the long long wait until the Knowladge lab doors opened. IT was okay. I just hope i dont have to go for the class. It'd be just another waste of time..
Lunch was great. Spent 3 hrs in the marriot hotel buffet. Stuffed myself with lots and lots of oysters, clams and all that stuff. There was coffee.. I tried it bitter.. Then added sugar.. Then milk.. Then salt.. Finished producted tasted weirdly delicious. It was like life.. First you tasted the bitterness, then a little pinch of milk to soothe the bitter. Then it suddenly becomes salty.. And you feel like spitting the coffee out.. But then the sugar rush comes.. You feel good in an eccetric way. Like when God comes with a helping hand when you are in despair.. Lunch for the money(it wasnt cheap..).
Energized, we walked down Orchard. Kinda proud of myself.. Walked a streching distance before resting. =) Shopped. Tired. MRT. Bus. Home.
I was thinking a lot in the bus.. About a lot of things.. About how people say something and mean another.. About how hypocritical some people are.. About myself, how i was such a liar.. So much so that when i was worshipping i didnt know whether i was acting or not.. I ask God.. But sin just keeps overwhelming me.. Sin just takes on a different form to tempt me.. I was thinking about the past year.. What i had accomplished.. Felt so ashamed.. i didnt manage to do anyth.. I thot abt friends.. That how many ppl could even be called that... About the whole world.. About me..
And yes. My new year resolutions:
.Read 'The Cross of Christ' and be able to understand it
.I can stand on my own 2 feet. I dont want to crave to be accepted. I don't need to win the favour of people. I want to win God's favour.. I want to learn how to let Jesus lead my life
.Finish the Bible
.Stop being a hypocrite(i know adrian warned me abt such objectives cuz its too subjective etc... but i really have to stop being one..)
.Not forget to study
.Persevere in my French until the next year
You ppl have to remember all this okay.. If i forget.. you must remind me.. esp. the hypo. one!=)
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 7:10 pm
Sunday, December 28, 2003
I promised to get myself of this box 40 mins ago. Look how long i've procrastinated. 20 more minutes to call my brother up. I'm supposed to wrap my sch books but i'm too lazy. Hey hey.. i AM lazy. come on. whats up with all the *diao~s? haha. Fine fine. I ^think i understand. Wasted. There's malay music playing.. And i'm reading what i'm typing out loud.
Just used 10 mins of my time searching for a skin for yh. Its so beautiful!! =) I so love it!! =) I'm so busy helping ppl do stuff again. Sometimes i dont even have time to stop and think abt his word. It makes me so fed up.. Fed up abt me and all my weaknesses.. Of not being able to stand alone.. Of not being able to think before I speak.. Of just saying things to get onto the good side of others. I dont want to live so selfishly. I hate it. When things go wiry somehow or another the blame falls on me. I don't want to be the way i am.
It's not that i hate my life. Not that i hate me.. It's just i hate the way I do stuff, not reflecting Christ. Its all so abt me. And where's Christ anyway? I mean in my life. It when I'm worshipping i hardly am able to concentrate.. My mind just wanders away, try as i might to keep it on the original topic. Its like my mind has its own two feet, walking and walking further away from God. My heart wants to stay. Yes. But.. I myself am not sure how much. There are so many earthly things, so many distractions, so many pleasures to sasitsfy.. My mind strays. Yes. I do pray. And ask God to let my heart do the walking. But.. So many doubt cloud my mind, like how sincere i am.. Then i want to give up.. I hate the way my mind works. I hate the way i work..
Everyone thinks i dont have troubles? i do you know... Just not the everyday troubles people face.. Like how you have friendship/family/money problems.. i tackle spiritually faith. Like what uncle poon huat said.. You wage a war against yourself.. Which i'm doing.. Not very nice to do.. 'Cause when those trials come, my human nature shouts the things to do.. And God's soft promting can be easily ignored..'
The song really speaks to me.. But the songwriter still thanks God.. I guess, facing all these trials.. its where our faith really grows..
We had Camp echo for YF yesterday.. 30 mins of personal reflection. I ended early.. there was nth for me to reflect abt. Grp discussion and open dicussion. The sharings were powerful. I'm sure it isnt easy to go up and talk to such a big grp of us.. But i guess, we grow together? mmhhmm. Yes. That's it..=) i will go up and share too.. When i finally have something to share abt.. Today's message had some strong points for me to reflect abt.. Lincoln was too sleepy to be listening. I had the honour of pinching him every time he concasted. Sunday school was one big mess, where everyone was doing everything but listen to uh auntie swe swe(pardon my spelling!!).. I (as usual) got distracted.. I dont pay attention during Sunday school.. Makes me regret it.. i like trisha.. She was a good teacher.. mmhmm..
I'm supposed to work on my new year resolutions. Soon. soon.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 6:34 pm
Saturday, December 27, 2003
|
I guess i'm a people's person after all. I really do enjoy being around people and having the company of them=). Well, i guess that's my biggest weakness.. Looking on it. Jesus had people around Him? Well, they were persercuting Him. Could I stand under the persercution? I hardly think so. I want to win the favour of people. Sighs. I wonldnt be able to stand alone.. I cant stand being lonely. Saddening isnt it. I'm trying. And i will do it.. =)
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 10:07 am
Friday, December 26, 2003
I just came back from Clara's hse. For some reason, WE are the REASON is stuck in my mind. Seed has spurred me on to some mature thinking. Well, thanks. You did give me good advice. i shld be more mature yeah. Sorry for your hurt ego. But i dont regret what i did. I mean, at least the argument happened..
Sighs. The triplets are getting seperated. That's one big thing i'm sad abt. Sigh.. ='( They are having a countdown party.. But i cant go. I'm commiting myself to church. =) Maybe you think i'm not those kind of person. Well, you know, think again.. God changed me through the camp.. The message, the workshops, the people. Now i'm looking forward to this journey. This journey we take. With Christ.
Right. So you ppl are tired of hearing me go on and on abt this right? i'm not blaming you. After all, when did i seem like this kind of person anyway? I want to. okok. Maybe i'll stop the nagging. But its what i truly feel. "Dont be smth you are not." i am like that. so face it.
Well, went to coach's hse only to find they were all going to Clara's hse. So dad came and fetched me and sm other's there. =). Reached there, played comp for a little bit then went for dinner. dinner done, we went upstairs. played (oops. forgot the name of the game!) some game where u jump onto each other. its not really painful, just the waiting period is really long.. then it comes as a shock when the person jumps on you.. Had long pillow fights and they were hitting me a lot. I'm so easily bullied? I guess. Why am i so willing to subject meself to such torture anyway.. when i stand up for myself.. Well, they think its not me anymore..Really irritating. Yes. after they had tortured enough of me, Germaine kept asking me if i was alright. I was. But i lost a few brain cells already. I cant stand ppl hitting me. Esp on the head. (tt was boring)
Then we went into Clara's bro's room, watched some tv and played some Clay. Okay cam i admit k.. Clay is nice. -if u wanna slp. haha.
Was there any lesson i could have applied today? i must go reflect. I need to learn to carry myself properly.
Story of my life.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 11:10 pm
Thursday, December 25, 2003
Jesus is the Reason for the Season
Santa lives at the North Pole ; JESUS is everywhere.
Santa rides in a sleigh; JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year; JESUS is your ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies; JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited; JESUS stands at your door and knocks.. and then enters your heart.
You have to stand in line to see Santa
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly
JESUS has a heart full of love.
Santa says "You better not cry"
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you.
Santa's little helpers make toys
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.
Santa may make you chuckle but
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree
JESUS became our gift and died on the tree.
Santa is fantasy, a figment of someone's imagination but Jesus is the Way the Truth and the Life!
It's obvious there is really no comparison.
We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about.
We need to put Christ back in Christmas.
Jesus is still the reason for the season.
always has been and always will be!!! =) merry christmas everyone!!!
**
Today is Christmas. I received lotsa cards/presents frm relatives and friends. haha. Quite happy larh. and i'm really sure critics suck.. Well, esp. if they dont dare to own up for their own criticisms.. And ooh. loser is synonymous with seed.. Now now. dont get all agitated k seed? i'm only trying to do myself a good deed. Lesse. haha. seed.. hahaha.. looks like u'll nva be abt to germinate and bloom yeah. haha.. seed. kk no offence!! i'm lame. as i've guessed u already realized.
Now. Whats been happenin.. nth much.. Christmas service was lousy larh. Just sm singing of songs lead be the same old person and the speaker was terribe. He just keeps repeating the GOD is with us.. we are on GOD'S side thing. Nothing to understand/gain from the message.. But choir was good. Sigh.. not that i'd able to sing like them.. Nownow.. tt's a diff storrry.haha. :D:D:D. crassssssssssh.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 3:03 pm
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
Trust His Heart
All things work for the good
though sometimes we can't
see how they could
struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
so when your pathway grows dim
and you just can't see him,
remember He's still on the throne
Chorus:
God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When don't see his plan
When you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart
He sees the master plan
He holds the future in his hand,
Don't live as those who have no hope,
while our hope is found in him.
We see the present clearly
but he sees the first and last
and like a tapestry He's weaving you and me,
to someday be just like him
(Chorus)
He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you
(Chorus)
When you can't trace his hand
When you don't see his plan
When you don't understand
Trust His Heart
****
Here's another song. I'm making it a point to put a song in front of every blog entry.. :) haha... well, this song is really nice. Tho there's this thing abt songs.. U tend to just like the tune.. but not the words.. Remember its the words that speak.. not the tune.. not the music.. but the words..
Hmm, well then.. RGS was good i guess.. Haha.. So was lotr.. except they didnt show the part where gandalf was supposed to say his famous line.. haha.. Grace said tt it was the fellowship of the ring only.. Wow.. Was it THAT famous...? -diong- What say u..? haha.. Legolas is just another act cute guy. Aragon is not say v. v. v. v. v. v. cute or handsome larh.. but i like his character.. :D REALLY. I mean.. its really brave and courageous.. lala.. :D Well, LOTR was romantic.. some parts made me tear.. also v.v.v.v. exciting lorh.. v.v.v.v.v.v. exciting. as grace aptly puts it..: GRIPPING. haha 6*.. tt's what i'd give it.. haha.. only bad thing is tt every1 all so ugly cep for the returned king lorh.. :D.. Grace said i shld change my pic of eminem to him.. haha.. Well, going out with them v. good. i didnt even pay for anyth.. my lunch my movie my transport my entertainment.. haha.. If lincoln reads this.. i tellya.. my head is going to go.. i keep making him pay for my things...?
Desmond is being mad now.
I hope i dont become like him next time.. looks like the doctor thing has gotten to him.
Relatives are coming over today. Lincoln is looking forward to watching waterboys. haha.. Well, he's supposed to be 24...
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 4:17 pm
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Only by grace can we enter/Only by grace can we stand/Not by our human endeavour/
But by the blood of the Lamb
Into Your presence You call us/You call us to come/Into Your presence You draw us/And now by Your grace we come/Now by Your grace we come
Lord, if You marked our transgressions/Who would stand/Thanks to Your grace we are clensed/by the blood of the Lamb
Beautiful song, yes? DUH. haha. Thnks amanda.. haha.. but this isnt a short term thing yeah. And on my part, i dun think i can really agree with u now tt i knew and understood what you went thru then. We are of different faith after all.. well, it just isnt the same. smth i learnt in camp... yet again, not tt i'm telling you nt to be catholics. its just tt what we believe in, our practices are much much different. yups. much much. well, i'll tell u the differences if u'd care to listen.
well, life after all... i've found out the meaning of it.. i guess i shan't be selfish? kk.. well, life and its meaning.. in the end we'll go to heaven. life is just a passing. well, now tt we've parted our own serperate ways.. i just sincerly hope tt i'll meet u agn. :D smilez always. God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. Which ever sec sch u go too.. its just part of that really wonderful plan..
**
okay.. i got into RGS.. yay.. RGS rocks. haha. okay. haha.. u gettit? hahahahha. happy.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 3:48 pm
Sunday, December 21, 2003
Hello!!! I'm back from a really GOOD church camp. And I tell u I'm a changed person!! :) Truth is, people cannot change a person. Only God truly can. Now I know what life is. Thanks to the great camp. I wanna know God to love him(btw, cat.s are diff frm Christians.) anyway, the message was thought-provoking. Simple yet deep. It touches your heart. I will share the gospel(if u are willing to listen as many aren't.) I don't think I'm worthy of preaching but I want to. I want you to know Jesus. Hey if u think I'm becoming holy, well, God changed me. I want to follow Him. Imagine changing into your most hated insect to save them all. Imagine that. But tt waas exactly what Jesus did. Give up his comfortable life to save mankind. Oh the power of His grace and mercy.
Many times i struggled with sin
Many times i did not honour him
Much too often i'll not deny
Lord i was living a lie
But when my faith was about to break
Jesus came with His saving grace
Even the i hurt him so
His love would not let me go
Jesus is the author of my faith
He will stick with me no matter what it takes
And will finish what He has begun
See me thro till the battle's won
I can turn to Jesus everyday
Turn to Jesus now all the way
Trust Him with all my life
He'll never leave me behind
Turn to Him for all my strength
He's the one i can depend
Its a comfort now i know
I'll never journey alone
I'll never journey alone
Many times the world got me down
Many burdens i almost drowned
In sinking sand of compromise
Lord i thought i wont survive
But when my faith was about to break
I turn to Jesus for saving grace
Even the i hurt him so
His love would not let me go
Jesus is the author of my faith
He will stick with me no matter what it takes
And will finish what He has begun
See me thro till the battle's won
I can turn to Jesus everyday
Turn to Jesus now all the way
Trust Him with all my life
He'll never leave me behind
Turn to Him for all my strength
He's the one I can depend
Its a comfort now I know
I'll never journey alone
I'll never journey alone
-copyright-
**
*applauds*
that 's my camp theme song. And it means a lot. For this camp is not by faith that I am here. It is by God's will and mercy that I get to know Him more. I only hope you do too.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 8:48 pm
Monday, December 15, 2003
Just finished reading nat's oh-so-boring trip to Thailand. I tell u I had a much better time than she did! haha. No hard feelings k Nat.. haha.. Well, i had nth to blog abt.. So I didn't blog.. Nth much has happened these past few days.. i figured that since I was going on camp so might as well blog lots now to whet the appetite of the gossip hungry.. Bon appetite then.
Well, youth camp is til sat. Figured I'll be tired out anyways. So i'm getting loadsa rest now. haha. i'm gonna get my bro to bring my pillow and my blanket along. since he has the van ANYWAY, so why not? haha. I'm so smart(yeah right..). yups. i esp like the camp theme song. I figured i wld have a damn fun time there lorh. haha. My grp is SO cool. haha. keep my mind off everyth else.
And i've calculated already. If we have 20 ppl each 1 pay $12 can liao. yups. so tell me if u want to pay k? need to calculate larh.(u ppl know what i'm talking abt right?) haha. for those of u who dun.. dun fret larh. i might tell u.. haha.. oh btw while tofu is away on trip pls pls pls msg this number:98423154. okay? u better larh. or else she'll be after MY neck.
yups. Those in genting now.. hope they are having a real gd time.. sing well.. and dun bring the rain clouds in! haha.. I want to enjoy my camp! haha.
there isnt anyth much to type abt here.. so yeah.. everydae is routine.. not tt i hate routine kinda stuff.. But -Still-. thnk God for the camp. once again i'll be living. Returning to reality. God knows why every1 keeps making stuff so darned complicated! dun they understand simple is harder? well, i do realize it. gosh. gimme the BIG W. whatever. a meaningless word. but every1 uses it anyway. Sigh. makes no difference. *yawn*
Stay at home and rot. Rot. R.O.T. sigh.
>close to the edge. Face up to your fears. Take the jump.<
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 12:18 pm
Sunday, December 14, 2003
When you are tired or in pain..
I'll be there.
When you think you've lost your way and know nothing but fear..
I'll be there.
When life seems to be but a meaningless journey,
I'll be there to guide you.
When you fall on one of life's rocky paths,
You know I'll be there to help you.
When life explains itself in a way incomprehendable,
I will understand.
When you feel unable,
You will find me ready with a helping hand.
When everything has turned their back on you,
Remember I haven't.
There's always something to smile about,
And thats heaven.
When you are loney,
Life's not what it seems.
But I know loads of people love you,
And we are here for you to lean.
[Love you]
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 10:17 am
Saturday, December 13, 2003
Yox. Me is back frm church. Quite the tired. Almost slpt while praying. Thinking abt stuff is truly tough. Thinkers are just great. I hardly ever get down to any true thinking anyway. Just popped into my mind. The dumb composition. english and chinese. oh darn!
i tell u. I. hate. me.
enough of that.
Yf todae was okay. camp preperation was fun. Yes. it was. altho my bro thought i was bored. what does he know? haha.. keep on laughing with his grp. while i was preoccupied in making my sword.
if u were wondering. I kinda decided to give up on thinking. Its so hard. and stressful.. and mind boggling and HARD. shall nt procede to bore u any longer. if what u were looking for is an interesting life. i tell u smth. my life is interesting.. u arent. ha!
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 8:42 pm
I. Hate. Me.
Hello. Me is back from thailand. Had a real fun time there. It was so cool. I somehow kinda forgot that i hated myself. Felt so lucky then. Well, how that i'm back. I had an emotional eruption. Ouch. Yups. I'm hurting inside. So PAINFUL!!
Anyways, i want to share this poem.. There isn't any point of living. I think so.
"Whats life all abt?" I started to shout
"Whats life all abt?" I said, pulling my hair out
Is it for striving to get whats deserving,
Or committing ur will to doing what fits the bill.
Is it indulging the pleasures the earth can afford?
Dressing in cool clothes? Doing whats "hot"?
Running the rat race you wanna win..
But in the end.. Death'll be ur kin!
Is it worth it? Racking your brains,
Finding an answer to smth like aids?
Well, there is no answer to a questions like this.
All i give is: Live. And believe.
In.
Love.
*clap*
When we went to the highest tower in thailand.. and we looked down from the top.. Everyth was so small.. So vunderable. I didnt take a pic with then cuz i cldnt smile. Its like there's smth above that pits all our will to this. I said up there looking down at one of a cars.. i said: if you are lonely, dont be. Cuz i'm thinking abt you. Me. a complete stranger. Sounds strange to be touched by one's own words. truth is, i was. Ouch. Sometimes, i swear i hate me. Live is a process i will never understand. Why we were put on this big spinning circle? Some great power from above did that. When u look down frm the top.. u'll finally understand how ur barbie doll feels. I used to think the world ran for me. And me alone. I know that was juvenile thinking. Self centredness is smth i hate. I'm nt self-obessed. At least, i try nt to be. Smtimes bliss is painful. I wont tryta understand life. All i want is to live life happily and without regrets. Trails and tribulations only make me stronger. But for WHAT? truth is.. people live. But they die. No one knows where the fullest of life is. Because no one has ever lived it to the fullest. Well.. I cant stand being so immauture. I. Hate. Me.
maybe.. just maybe.. there'll be answers. I sincerly hope there will! Or else. Its just another life wasted. mine.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 2:14 pm
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
I think i sorted things out. But dont mistake me. I still hate me. I dont think i can ever forgive myself... Sighxx. but i still meet the world with a smile yeah? after all u never know whose falling in luvvvvv with it! hahaha.. darn! i cant stop smiling now. haha. =) i'm waiting for my knight in shining armour(i hope he's aragorn) to come and resuce this "fair" damsel in distress. haha..
Okay.. So since this is my life i tell u what happened yesterdae okay.. nva tell u ppl what happened in me life for a v. long time liao. the last one was when? oo. first entry(-.-")..
So yarh. yesterdae got tuition.. she early early come.. I also not ready yet!! was chatting happily with 2 v. "innocent" girls. haha.. u know who u are.. innocent or not.. well.. HAHA. during tuition got homework.. make me do on my thailand trip. haiyorh. i really dunnoe wadda write lerh...anyway..after tuition i rushed out to sch. ha. my timing so zun tt when i reached the circus the 317 bus just arrived.. and clara was on it. haha. according to her she waited for a full 20 mins.. haha..(next time i help u plan ur day.. hee hee.. sure gd 1.. hahahaha) Then we went to sch and met up with tofu and calista.. and cordelia FORGOT her emron. ahaha. *bish* haha no larh. i wont kill delia. i'm a nutter.(look squriell.)(!!!!) u understand? hahah..oops.. back to topic. wanfong gave me this flute like thingy tt i cannot play for my life. God. i dont even know who to hold it. But its SO cute. very nice decorative item.. haha. Then we walked to the bus stop and took the 53 bus to the interchange. nth much happened in the bus.. then we went up to the cinema and we dunnoe what show to watch. so many nice shows.. So in the end decided on elf. we went to eat.. and nad couldnt finish her food. wasted 4$.. she dun want to eat then tell me larh.. then i can share with her.. and save $4..(i'm not so money-face larh.. just tt yesterdae no money..)=p yups.. so after lunch we shopped... and they spent money... cuz i bo lui liao.. we window shopped and window shopped until the show started.. oh.. we also took neoprint.. but every1 keep on conplaining tt camelia nt there.. dunnoe how to operate the machine... hahaha.. then we went to the supermarket to buy stuff.. haha.. after tt we went up and sat down at the cinema steps there.. tofu spilt nad's drink.. haha.. only a lil bit.. luckily nad's reflexes fast.. or else.... yarh.. then we went in.. and we had 3 pesky kids making noise in the cinema. yups. the st gabs boys larh. WHO ELSE? so irritating. keep on throwing popcorn. then the movie so nice... hahaha.. so funny.. i kept on laughin.. but dunnoe why tofu keep pinching me.. summore tried to suffocate me.. *cough cough* still suffering from the aftermaths of it. haha.after we watched the show elf.. i was in a very wacky mood! santa claus is coming to town.. tt mood.. so happy! i was cracking happy jokes to myself.. haha... =) *life is beautiful.. yeah life is beautiful* the best way to spread christmas cheer is to sing out loud for all to hear!I'm singing.. i'm singing.. ohh.. i hope it doesnt rain!!! LOL.
so todae i'm flying off.. heehee..plan to get chrissy prezzies there. i have $300 to my name! whhheeeeeeeeepeeeeeeee! yes!anyway. yarh. i know what I want for my prezzies.. but who will give to me. =( wah. how i'm confused. am i supposed to feel happy or sad. I'm choosing happy. cuz its a sunny day. and full of fun. i dont need to think. i dont want to think cuz everytime i think. i end up hating myself. well, i already hate myself anyway. so much for tt. ouchie. painful living a lie right..? sigh. I in the first place was a lie. so it makes no more difference to me. yoyox! happy dae. *smile*.ha. i hate me. but i love every1 else. they are nt involved in my personal feud with myself. ouch. this a painful. =D tt's how sadistic i actually am. =P. haaha. i hate me. ouch. [RRR]
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 9:48 am
Saturday, December 06, 2003
Well then.. nice tribute right.. harhahah.. I'm sick today. so sick. okay. in the morning only larh. but still. I'm going to slp so early todae. i need rest. rest. rest. rest. rest. rest. rest. rest.
You get the idea.
Oh yeesh. Reesh. Sheesh. I'm getting meSSedUP!!!!!!! Fine. Walk out on me like every1 else did. Every1 else did. Walk out. Walk out. Walk. Walk. Nope. I'm not going to miss you. -no way-. Not after what you did to me. so NO. I'm not going to miss you. or even bother loving you. I hate you. And i hate me.
REESH!
[RRR]
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 6:46 pm
Friday, December 05, 2003
Oh yarh. I forgot to say..
THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY CRAZZINESS
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 8:08 am
Thursday, December 04, 2003
A tribute to my 4 greatest friend on earth
-The Footsteps of Friendship-
[Cordelia](the bestest friend of all time):
To my dear friend who was always there,
When I was joyous or in despair.
It started last year, I remember,
One day in December.
Before that day, the months we spent,
Went from just okay to a ascend.
When I quarreled with others,
You were there with a song.
And I was thankful to be blessed with you.
The long yaks on the phone,
Went from many to few.
We understand each other so much so that words cannot help,
Words cannot express my feelings towards you.
To my guardian angel, caretaker and friend,
Cordelia,
Thank you for loving me.
[Camelia]( the angel in disguise)
Well, after trying out a few times, I thus concluded that i could not write a poem ABT her. So yeah.
Well, it started from Germaine. Actually, one day in June while i was revising, Germaine called me and asked me to help her. So, being me, I decided to. I was supposed to call Camelia and occupy her so that she would call Germaine and bore her(how could I write a poem abt THAT?). Yups. So, we talked. Then after that everytime she or I was bored, we would call each other. But don't ask me why I always avoided her in school. Maybe becaused she used to bully me, and also abt the "les" thing. Yeah. Then after that I got used to it. And yeah. 2 strangers brought together. I think I really must thank Germaine. From 1 friendship sparked another. I'm proud of it. Yes. Haha.. At least I became a friendship that grew. Well, Cam taught me a lot of things. Well anyway, if you finnaly come back from ur trip and get to read this:" Thank you for the many things you thaught me. Even if you didnt know. Thank you for your time, your patience, your smile, your frown, your friendship and most importantly your love. Waity.. still have.. thanks for all the wasted SMSes.. hee hee.. anyway, thanks larh! my invisible motivaton. hee.."
[Natalie](the teacher)
She was there when I was down,
And met me with a smile.
Her advice was always sound,
Even sometimes I couldn't figure it out.
I remember the long talk in the park,
Its easier face to face.
We both gained a lot from each other,
Pain and rain.
But it wasn't only bad times,
They were far and few.
She imparted knowladge,
That I never knew.
I know this is stupid,
I know this is dumb.
But whatever,
Against all odds..
Thank you anyway.
!!!
[Wan Fong](the 6 year friend)
Hmm.. poem also a bit hard for her lorh.. so yups. She's been there for 6 years now. Everyth to talked abt has been talked abt. So yeah. Thanks and love. From me. Charity all the way yeah! hee hee.. You've been an awesome friend, and you know it. So yeah. love ya lots. =D.
So there goes. My tribute. hee.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 12:14 pm
When the hell is the LOTR opening? 18 or 26? Dont tell me it 26!!! I cannot stand to wait so long...!! OMG~! the trailer is -so- nice. so cool. i want everyth to do with the LOTR. best movie ever. well, okay, after pearl harbour tt is. but yeah. whats so great abt legolas tt every1 likes? its aragon.. oh.. aragon is so awesome..! i mean. especially the part where he says, not for ourselves, but we can give frodo a chance. ah! so shiok. i can never get enough of it.
LOTR ROCKS!
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 10:04 am
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
-There can be-
No truimph
Without loss
No victory
Without suffering
No freedom
Without sacrifice
Lord Of the Rings
Return of the king
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 9:48 am
"I see, in your eyes, the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come, when the courage of men fails. When we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. This day, we fight!"
Ohh.. Can u beleve how many times i watched the trailer for LOTR return of the king. I am SO wha? addicted to return of the king.. I so cannot wait!!!!!! but sadly i cant watch it on the first day when it opens!!!! i have church camp.. maybe can ask my bro let us all go out and watch it larh.. hmm.. would he allow us to go anyway..? hee hee.. then us him to treat all of us.. but down there got cinema merh? like dont have. Sigh.. haha.. gd idea, maybe go discuss with them first, then later on the 18th go and sabo lincoln.. haha.. anywayS, i'm going back to watching the trailer. oooo i like the trailer a lot.. i dunnoe abt the movie... but the trailer damn nice!!! heehee.. hahahahaha.. i need to watch it!!!! okay, LOTR trailer here i come...!
"All you have to decide is what to do with the that is time given to you."
Tell me i'm crazzzzzzzzzzy abt LOTReturn of the king...!
OHH! i like tt!! the last part where aargon say, not for ourselves, but we can give frodo a chance... ooh!! i so luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv it!!! ooh..
"This is your test, every heart has trudged thru wilderness, thru war. Has led to this road."
I dunnoe how i can stand waiting for it anyway!
"We cannot acheive victory through strength of arms." "Not for ourselves, but we can give Frodo a chance."
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 9:40 am
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have
your pet peeves, but other than that, you're
mainly calm. Blending in with your
surroundings, you're the type of person who
everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks
jokes at social gatherings - after all,
laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you
pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you
could be the next Einstein.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
SEE that!!! "Sometimes you pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you could be the next Einstein." true right? heehee!! i'm so.. wicked..! Yeah.. Hmm.. would tt considered to be boasting? I could be the next Einstein. Fat hope.
Well, tuition today was okay, might even say i like it. at least its considered self-improvement(u are so DAFT zessie)(-.-"). anyway, I so didnt know natalie plays rs! Not much to make a big fuss over. but still! okay.. I stayed online the whole day. My eyes are SO gonna burst. I know i shldnt be online for so long.. but what else is there to do. I totally cannot bring myself to play rs or neopets or gunbound or lemonade tycoon or any of the sims. Sigh. all i do online is type in my blog and chat and search for aimless stuff that gets no returns anyway. I like being online and on the phone. I'm not a loner. Well, i do hope so anyway.
Oh, and i just helped ethel get rid of her hiccups with my secret recipe(not excactly anyway). Man, i feel so accomplished! YAY! haha. If u have hiccups and need a cure urgently, come to Dr Mao. Hahahaha. I'm certified in curing hiccups. Phd. 101% cured of them. But its a secret after all. only i and ethel know it. she's my assistant.(waitamin. If she's my assistant, why dahell do i call her master ANYWAY?)*blink*
The internet is such a fun place for chatting. Especially with those you dont know so well. it helps you to get to know them better. those you know too well, well ,then there's nth to chat abt. well yeah..
[rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 6:10 pm
Time check: 8.15a.m. I am the only person online. There's nth else to do now so i'm typing this*blink*. My breakfast is in front of me and its half finished. I dont intend to continue eating. Why am i so addicted to this box!! I tell you, sometimes i hate myself SO much. Anyway, I was SO anygry last night lorh.. cuz MANU lost. I know i've said this before. But the stupid roy kean larh. he wasnt going to score any goal larh. and you had to go up to takle whoever tt was. PENATLY arh. okay. i doubt you are any interested anyway. hmm.. what happened yesterday..? Oo.. did many things happen.. but most of them are secret.. supposed to keep it secret for all of them. Sigh. Life is so confusing some times.
YES! i found the song(veryvery far from topic but i'm not caring)! I remebered the lyrics. Oh, i love myself!
Amazing how fast I change. Hey, i'm THAT AMAZED.
Time check: 8.28am I usually waste a hell lotta time on my blog. I seriously have to go! i have tuition today. in another wha? 30 mins. update later.
I will be still know you are God.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 8:28 am
Monday, December 01, 2003
I was a famous bodybuilder!! Yuk Yuk.. u cant imagine how i laughed afta i saw that! HaRhahaha!!! I'ma chatting with scott now.. he's quite nice larh.. no wonder so many girls fall for him.. but not me larh.. Oo i just found this very nice blog.. this guy is 18 years old..very nice to read his blog.. okay.. maybe its listen.. cuz got very nice music.. very nice!!!! Dunnoe why i feel so vunderable these days. Feels like i'm falling in love. With whom i also dunnoe.. So attracted. So painful. So ...Weird.. hey if u can explain what i'm feeling now i'll be so grateful.. eternally.. i'm falling down. hold me...
Shucks. i drifted too far from the topic again. i'm so bored now. i feel like even if i die no one will care.. wanfong and camelia are away overseas. must be having a good time.. i'm so envious!!!! aus and japan are like the places i'd love to go! =D
Remembered that when i was young, i used to fantasize about being invisible. So that people couldn't see me, and i could wreck havoc without them knowing who i was and when would i strike. On the other hand, you could always observe someone as if you're watching a film, as if they didn't know you were around. I wished i could be a guardian angel of some sort to people whom i loved. It's different now though. I bet it's tough being invisible. Ok, at least for me. People will not sense your presence at all... and that makes it tougher for those whose life motto goes by 'seeing is believing'. Imagine being alone for your whole life, and people can't observe your moods, your expressions, your body language. Verbal would be the only form of communication. It's pretty lonely isn't it? It's tougher to feel loved... especially when others find it hard to love something they can't hold, they can't see but yet they know it exist. That's what man is reduced to today: materialism. I guess that's how God feels.
-copied from the blog of sm guy called eric
now would tt be considered as uh.. dunnoe what inflating or infraiting copyright.. hmm.. maybe i shld tell him..? dunnoe larh.. so confused. i must be still. still. i remember tt song.. i must be still. its buried sm where deep inside.. but in all this rush i cant recall it.. OH DARN.
[rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 1:41 pm
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prayer;praise;promises`_____ 1:15 pm
Okay! I'm back with another post. Oh man, i really respect eth for i mean like blogging faithfully everytime. i mean she hasnt changed blogs yet you know and i've changed like dunnoe how many times. AND, i started blogging later than her. Oh i so hate me.
Enough abt all that crap already. haha. so the craze abt R(the letter) has well finally gone off(i do sincerly hope it has) but it still stays uh.. somewhere.(that was SO lame.)But i'm lame, and as eth has easily put it: you lamer. Oh, cant you hear the sound of my heart shattering?(tell me abt it)
So bored now. I'ma chatting with eth(who by the ways as gone all so wrong up there). Very lame convers. not surprising really.. especially if u are chatting with me. Help me with eth please! Everyth's wrong with her. not because of me i hope..? so now everyth becomes htyreve. and yes, she totally thinks its fun. I'm playing along with her now. uh. save me. i SO beginning to think its fun. ETHEL TAN! its all ur fault.
eth says:
olah?
eth says:
ho
eth says:
doog
me says:
tuo ti dessim u
me says:
sdrawkcab u sa tsaf sa epyt tnod i
eth says:
ahah
eth says:
eon i
eth says:
ahah
me:
?tahw dessim
eth says:
mvn
eth says:
raeb rethorb hctaw annaw i
eth says:
ahah
me:
i od os
eth says:
eheh
Nice? go figure.
Haha. i hereby declare todae sdrawkcad yad! haha. anyway, according to ethel:driew os si eissez.
HAHA..(oh ppl, puRRlease get a life)(no need, i'm already living.) I am SO LAME!(tell me abt it yeah?)
Well, anyway todae is the same ol thing again larh.. wake up brush teeth.. routine yeah. i think i might do work later. too bad cannot go bowling with them.. mum says down there too many bengs liao. tomorrow i have tuition. i'm kinda looking forward to it yeah..? cuz my chinese dunnoe why deprove so badly(natalie knows how bad it has gone down..) haha.. i dont want to think abt it larh.. it still moritfies me tt i didnt know.. oh well..=D.
oh wed i'm supposed to bring um $15 dollars worth of titbits.. i dunnoe what kind of titbits lerh.. how? tell me tell me kk? YOU ppl are the ones eating it yeah? not me.. and the best part of the whole thing is that i havent asked my motha yet, but i hope she'll allow me. what time is it anyway..??i guess i'll havta go find out me self. time check: 9:27 am. seems like i have time still.
I AM SO ANGRY! MANU LOST TO CHELSEA. I HATE CHELSEA. look i dont not like the team manu loses to but chelsea sucks big time. wha. if the stupid roman guy hadnt bought chelsea where would they be. you cant buy the title. at least i hope not. stupid roman must come and mess things up. its not chelsea i hate. its the dirty money behind it.
anyways, im sure u wont wanna hear sm boring storee of how manu lost to chelsea. so since you dont wanna. i wont tell u. spare i the torture. think i'll update sm time soon.
[rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr]
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 9:29 am