Sunday, February 29, 2004

I'm stuck on the damn geologic timescale model. i don't see however i am going to apply such a model in my life. Yay.. we have to do it. I just don't see the point anyhow. but we're graded on it. And i'm just your typical singaporean. call me kiasu or whatever.. But i'm like very behind time in my school work.. Compared to my classmates that is. Eee. Since when did i become like that? oh no.. this sounds so shallow! am i regressing like that Charlie gordon? this is worrying.

Poor Germaine contracted chicken poxx from her pupil. Hope she'll turn out alright! = ) and all the spottys gone. You better take this time to resttt! i do sound 13-year-old-y.

I'm feeling so: i-know-i-have-many-things-to-do-but-dont-want-to-do-it now!!! ahhhh.

i shall go be hardworking.
this is such a lame post.
dont mind me..
TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!!!

dah.


i'm abandoned and have always been.







quote yuan:"who are you to me?"







nobody.

prayer;praise;promises`_____ 9:48 pm

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Thanks everyone for all the encouragement and supposrt you've given me! = ) *Heads up!* i know you're feeling down now ** *** but cheer up alright, you've still got me. And God. I know you ain't Christian.. but still. I'm much much better now finally was able to be still in God. Yay! =D
new image for this blog. don't freak at the picture please!! I'm going to change it. this is a lame post. Ah.





is Christianity a reward? or responsibility?

prayer;praise;promises`_____ 2:49 pm

Thursday, February 19, 2004

To you, or basically whoever will listen:

Can you please help me? I'm so trapped in this jail(house, bus, school) work is just all revolving around me! And i can't exactly do it. too much. Too little time. I'm devoid of recreation. No more of those childhood sweet memories, that time of sugary. Its all disappeared. From that day i became 13. Which was also why i wasn't much looking forward to my bdae, but everyone made such a big deal out of it and i caught on too. I'm lost in this big big world. So i try to find rest in God, He's here i know. But sometimes i can't feel him, when I'm too caught up in worldly affairs, too fustrated to read the Bible, because i know when i do qt, there are lots of things out there facing me and i just cannot concentrate. I don't do it. Its hard when yknow you're losing you're focus... Depression is hitting me! Its just too terrible to be trapped in this circle of life, and it isn't as beautiful as the song describes it to be... its all a mirage, nothing to dwell on. Lits the pits these days, with work... squash.. school... projects. stupid ip anyway.. its stressing the hell outa me, like pulling my brains out of my nose! Emotions aren't allowed in scholl. they should just incoperate that in to the school rules. Bascially school and God don't mix.. I know i say i want to be a student for Chirst, but that is floating away from me. As i'm trying to detach myself from this world, its gluing me to it. I can only look forward to sat when i truly feel God's grace on me, Its devoid here at home. tuition teacher and parents think i should be working hard now but my moral values differ. i havent done qt for 3 days in a row and the lyrics of 'how can i live without You' come to my mind. I cant.. truly really. I wonder why i even try. I'm hopeless. unusually inforiety complex is acting up on my again.

i can't wait for church. life is so useless without God.

*sobs* wrote this in my diary yest.

prayers anyone?

prayer;praise;promises`_____ 8:33 pm

Sunday, February 15, 2004

Okay. I told you'll I'll be back.

And i am.

Been a hetic week, with doing things i want to do and HAVE to do. In my schedule i realized that i hardly ever had time to meditate on the word of God. Even as i read my memory verse out to keith today:"Do not let the book of the law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you will be careful to do everything that is written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful."-:>Joshua 1:8

Now as i am actually thinking about it, realized i've not exactly been that christian that God desires of me. Todays lesson was asking us to be 'examples of believers, in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. Even as i'm writing this i'm just being mean to someone. And my resolution was to be a better person so that i can reflect Christ-likeness. But i'm afraid it hasn't reached that standard yet.

Today is total defence day. Am i defended? Just not physically but in the spiritaully sense too? Defended against all evil thoughts, words, deeds. He[God] is my shield, my very great reward. If anyone should be defended, it really should be me. = ) I'm glad.

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a terrfic one, actually. In the morning i went to school for hse pract and they sang a bdae song like 3+ times! haha.. We had a cake too, cuz hadley vice-capt Rachel bdae same as me. Squash seniors all totally nice! = ) They surprised me with chocos! Haha. You won't read this but thanks a lot. haha. Then i came back and rushed off to heartland mall to meet Germaine and Ava where we had lunch at pizza hut before yf. Then we had ebs in Yf. I much knew all the stuff already.. But it said that if we don't believe we already stand condemmed and well.

God may be invisible but the way he works in each of our hearts.


He's not.

prayer;praise;promises`_____ 2:18 pm

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

I should really never actually be here now. ONly came on the computer to print our my french petit tests. I'm actually going to do them. Don't be like WHOA. i know i'm not so studious. But after all since i took it up might as well excel in it.. the drop it. =P.

I haven't actually realized how girls flirt and how guys play along? So it was so amusing when i was in the bus today(on my way home frm sch) went i, well, heard-they were speaking as if the whole bus was their home- every single word they said to them on the bus. They were CJC year ones i presume. The girl from cedar and the gentleman from Maris stella.
Cedar: How come you're here?!
Ms: Erhhh..
Cedar: I didn't see you at the bus stop! Did you see me?
Ms: Yeah. I did.
Cedar: And i didn't see you?! I'm so blind.
(pauses)
Cedar: So where you're dropping?
Ms: *tries to tell the cedar*
Cedar: *pretends to be all interested and understanding*
Ms: Oh, so where are you dropping?
Then they all about their cross conuntry and how they got what what position.. They even come onto the subj of names. The girl's a bimbo really. Not that i have anyth against that. Oh and her name is Germaine. There's some kind of personality attached to Germaines. If you go and observe. Maybe not my dgl.. but primary school germaine and thise germaine don't seem too different to me! = ) But saying so i have just offened like 5 friends. If they were friends at all? Well. Haha. But this personality observation comes with english names.. Like mine! Haha.. but fact is i'm one of a kind.. so nth to experiement. Next time try smth like Natalie or Louisa.. Haha. = )

Right. so i've just wasted like 20 min. When i could be fully utlizing my time doing work. Oh well. this is more fun.. but more irresponsible

price to pay?
i guess.

prayer;praise;promises`_____ 8:41 pm

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Lalala. I'm sticky. Sweaty. Tired.

I have french but instead i'm here. Don't know why, but feel obliged to type smth in my blog when some big event has happened. xD. Eccentric. eeps. I seriously need a bath. Squash just squashes the pits out of me!!! dada.

I don't know. I feel like not growing up. Maturing just makes me lose my tolerence. Yeah sure. So i want to see this BIG mural that God has painted for me. I want to understand it better.. But at the same time, suffering, the wrong side of people, stuff between the lines come into view. That's when you lose your ignorance. And I can wait for that. I don't even want it to happen. NOno. damnit. gosh..

Sec school life is a bed of roses. Sweet and blood. I don't know. I totally want ot drop french, but i can't!!!! This is irritating. =S i hate it. Oh damn my stupid school. Considering i actually have to pay for the moelc bus to take us there. $125!!! And all the costs of the books. If i actually drop it i'll be such a waste. So i won't. I don't have much of a choice actually. AH pressure. help.

I shall not bore you with my incoherent ramblings about my life anymore. Just that i am again too ''busy'' to go do qt. Used to do in the morning BUT i sleep too late. Then i don't have much of the time anymore. Oh and jin's wedding is on saturday and spg(NOT sarong party girl!! student peer grp) outing is this sat too. Noi noi. So i have to give up one, which will most probably be spg outing. AW. I don't know.. its a time of bonding right?

I think maybe i've found my clique in 104 liao. haha. you girls are awesome yes? haha. Oh man natasha. OH MAN. =P (but you don't read this) and yuan... whats the name of D? haha. lamer. I presently don't have any you know. if got i will share with you. Latest one was probably Mr Tan. Haha. not yknow larh.. just think he's shuai. =P But after the [track and field is a personal challenge] thing, find that he is a little sissy. HA. Oh, and concerning junli, the 103 people are so infatuated with her. Its so nutty. Maybe i don't like her anymore. It slowly waning. Reality stinks. Its disgusting yknow, esp when they actually -love- junli so much. Get a life. and the irony is, i was crushing on junli before. but it don't matter now.

Chatting with mie and yuan. i'm still sticky and sweaty. I really should take a bath. take a bath! take a bath!




I want it to stay like this forever. but its all a dream.

prayer;praise;promises`_____ 8:44 pm