would it be enough to understand
why we feel lost
in a world so small
if only love could find us all
we are.
meant to live.
our lives.
the calling.
my happy ending.
if only.
i miss you.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Everything's been happening so rapidly. I dont really get a chance to rest. Dont really get a chance to take up things I've buried under my carpet. All the events and thoughts that go through my mind day by day. I need time to do such things. I need time to rest.
Hebrews 11:1 NKJV
You know what I desperately yearn for? I yearn for a holiday. I need and want and must have a holiday.
BIG TIME.
Other than that, I'm happy with life the way it is. I hope. There's so much anger and hate and persercution. There's too much knowladge and tears and smiles. Overload of power and emotions.
I guess reading other people's blogs and talking to others have made my become so more aware of my surroundings. Yeah, I know i've always been. Always been ignorant and self-righteous and above all concieted and bigoeted. I am a sucker for pleasure. And when its all sucked away i've got nothing left. And thats what irks me. Thats what irks me.
Life is so unfair. But we take it like it is. And when it goes beyond the line you throw a tantrum. You need to realize that its impossible to change whats happened. Sorry cant change anything. Yeah, i failed my math test. Badly. 3/20. But who's going to cry over spilt milk.
We only live once. People just keep reminding me. And you. Because they've lost something they love. And want and need it back. Terribly. So you idiot swines who dont treasure the diamonds and pearls bestowed to you, you are a disgrace to the people who have lost something. You know what? If you really lose something you didnt cherish enough, i'm not going to be sympathetic. I'm going to laugh. You deseve it.
You stinking animal.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 8:25 pm
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Oh shucks.
Blogs have become so comercialized. Like all the hugs you want people to give you and you just keep asking people to tag your board.. Blogs arent just online diaries. Their places where you exhibit yourself. I'm not an exhibitionist freak. Therefore no links and no tagboard and no other damned stuff.
I dont care if you dont read. haha. All i want is a place on the web i can call my own.
Needed to get this off my mind.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 7:34 pm
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Lord, Holy Father,
From everlasting to everlasting you are Lord.. Everything ends and everything fades but You are unchangeable. You keep me in Your arms. Lord, nothing is permenant except for you. Even friends will say bye. But Lord, You walk beside me. You love me.. Wholly and truly Lord.
But Lord, I havent done anything to deserve grace nor mercy. Heavenly Father, Your holiness blinds us Lord. How could i stand in your presence, Lord.. Thank you Lord for the cross.. The prize you paid. Your nail pierced hands.
what can I say Lord. You rescued from the dark abbys of death Lord. You conqured everything Lord. You truly are forever and always. Only you Lord. You fill me up Lord.. YOu ARE worthy Lord. ANd i am worthless in front of you Lord.. without the Lamb.. Without the cross. Without the blood of Christ. Abba Father, You clensed me in your sight. Santified and saved me Lord.
There is a meaning in my life now Lord.. To glorify you and praise you Lord. For you have been, is and will always be. You are the master of my life. Lord, take me into your hand, mould me and refine me. Shepherd of my life..
Only you are forever. Only you.. YOur word. YOu fill me. Lord.. My life was emptiness without you Lord. Without your love and your word. I was lost by now i'm found. Lord..
Why Lord.. Thank you Lord. For your blood. For the cross. LOrd, send the holy spirit. I want to submit to your eternal plan for my life Lord. To your eternal plan. In Christ's most holy and scared name i pray.
Amen.
*in case you are wondering.. I just feel sad having to leave pri sch.. Realized nothing is permenant or forever. Not even the friendships that i've had. One day it will end. But God will forever be Lord. And His word will forever be true.
Forever doesnt end. Isnt that scary?
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 4:20 pm
Saturday, April 24, 2004
you must be surprised. new blog skin. no tag board. preferbaly no links either.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 7:57 am
Friday, April 16, 2004
HadLey!!
Yayness. House dinner was fun man.
Ah, sad that nat and miffy couldnt do their hadley's invisible shorts. We were quite let down. But never mind, it was a good night after all! ( : Yeah. I truly truly thing we bonded a lot as a class and a house. Having dinner together with each other was rocking with all the bombing here and there. ( : I know this isnt what you expect from me. Haha, but yeah. It was awesome! Great. Just wonderful! I want to be in house committee! *whines
A lot of things are coming up. I think i feel myself totally happy with my sec school friends. Yayness! ( : And and i feel so myself with them now. lol-ed. Weet.
Think: What makes you feel accepted? For me i think its people with an open heart, showing themselves and being able to be yourself and really comfortable with your friends. And what is comfort? Its just.. I shall not get so philosophical today, BUT as long as the smile on your face is genuine, nothing will put you down for at least 12 hours. Its times like these when you really feel live is worth the living.
I dont know if you feel the same way, but everytime we shout we love you hadley or 104 or what, i know i mean it. ( : i hope you do too!
I shall relate to you a very interesting story. I was re-reading my journal(last years) and i saw this entry.
You know last year, when i was sitting with Gurps and that particular day ethel and gurps didnt come. Therefore i was feeling extremely lonely. Worse still, May, Chermaine, Wan Fong and Raina and delia they all were clustered at the other side carrying on some superbly funny conversation and laughing away rudely at every other minute. i didnt know what was so hilarious. I was dreadfully left out.. Thats beside the point. Getting back to the main topic, I was depressed and feeling where-are-all-my-friends-i-dont-have-any and bitiching at them.
I have no idea whether my facial expressions and body langauge expressed my mood, but they offered to go macs with me! ( : and even invited me to go heereen(although i didnt go in the end cuz mum didnt allow). Like in the blink of an eye my mood totally whirlwinded into a crazed elated and contented one. Like yay-my-friends-will-always-be-my-friends-and-they'll-never-leave-no-matter-what-happens.
Its times like there that stay in your memory forever. And its time like these that cheer you up and put a big broad smile on your face when you feel like crying. Its times like these that make you want ot call your friends when you feel bored. Because friends are friends for life, even if they change or what not.
Its the memories. Those are the forever friends. ( : Tonight was really memorable.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 9:05 pm
Sunday, April 11, 2004
You are Everything To Somebody
Right now at this very minute-----------
someone
is very proud of you
someone
is thinking of you
someone
cares about you
someone
misses you
someone
wants to talk to you
someone
wants to be with you
someone
hopes you aren't in trouble
someone
is thankful for the support you have
provided
someone
wants to hold your hand
someone
hopes everything turns out all right
someone
wants you to be happy
someone
wants you to find them
someone
is celebrating your successes
someone
wants to give you a gift
someone
thinks you ARE a gift
someone
hopes you are not too cold, or too hot
someone
wants to hug you
someone
loves you
someone
wants to lavish you with small gifts
someone
admires your strength
someone
is thinking of you and smiling
someone
wants to be your shoulder to cry on
someone
wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun
someone
thinks the world of you
someone
wants to protect you
someone
would do anything for you
someone
wants to be forgiven
someone
is grateful for your forgiveness
someone
wants to laugh with you about old times
someone
remembers you and wishes you were there
someone
is praising God for you
someone
needs to know that your love is unconditional
somebody
values your advice
someone
wants to tell you how much they care
someone
wants to stay up watching old movies with
you
someone
wants to share their dreams with you
someone
wants to hold you in their arms
someone
wants YOU to hold them in your arms
someone
treasures your spirit
someone
wishes they could STOP time because of
you
someone
praises God for your friendship and love
someone
can't wait to see you
someone
wishes that things didn't have to change
someone
loves you for who you are
someone
loves the way you make them feel
someone
wants to be with you
someone
is hoping they can grow old with you
someone
hears a song that reminds them of you
someone
wants you to know they are there for you
someone
is glad that you're their friend
someone
wants to be your friend
someone
stayed up all night thinking about you
someone
is alive because of you
someone
is remorseful after losing your
friendship
someone
is wishing that you would notice them
someone
wants to get to know you better
someone
believes that you are their soul mate
someone
wants to be near you
someone
misses your guidance and advice
someone
values your guidance and advice
someone
has faith in you
someone
trusts you
someone
needs you to send them this letter
someone
needs your support
someone
needs you to have faith in them
someone
needs you to let them be your friend
someone
will cry when they read this
hm. May i know who i mean so much to?
You dont have to tell me.. I just want to be assured
that I am some person (not just that nobody)
anymore. i love you guys out there. And i hope that you
are alright at this very moment. So does GOd. He rose
on this day about 2000 years ago. Nail pierced hands.
There's still so much to understand.
Happy Easter! ( :
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 3:34 pm
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Hadley was great. Haha, but it seems no one really cares about the placing. MY voice still hurts after cheering like some insane idiot. But we won-*that's everyth. And the people down at the stadium ground went on a victory run around the track, which i would have liked to be in too but i was on the stands. Its just this wave of contentment knowing that the house you are in actually excels in something and being happy that you were a part of this victorious moment.
I am hyperly amused. haha. REad this
i dont care if no one reads this. its a record of my history. on one of the many poem fits i've had i think this is the best poem i've ever written. i can even title it- i'll call it i'll fall-again.
We beat nygh for C division. 4 to 1. Dont worry mable, you did fine. we won too! ( : yay. Sorry if any nanyang girls are reading this, but i'm gloating at your expense. Sorry, although i dont mean it. Its just a formality. 3 cheers for you. Great job done anyway nyghians. We are all squashers!
Why is no one tagging?!
Yeah, i was part of it. 16*50. Haha, a very small part, but nevertheless a part big enough to be the proud new owner of a
There's is rather inevitable feeling of helplessness and now i'm grasping at straws. My primary school friends are no more. That abbys of friendship that we've shared.. Seems like i'm falling down deeper. To a point when i can actually climb out of it. That when it really ends----
i hope not.
[Edit:] This is one beeg rant. Which you probably cant make head or tail of. dont mind. [Edit]
Read my modblog!!!
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 9:50 amTuesday, April 06, 2004
This rant is for all of you damn pessimists out there. All it took was a simple comment from some guy on my friend's blog to re-kindle the fire that burns within me, the hatred and complete loathing of such individuals. This comment is as follows. It has not been edited in any way and is totally unabridged :
A((corn)): your blog entries are nice. really. (( : hmm, but the tag board colours are kind of wrong, otherwise cute blog.
Yes. The issue here is him commenting on the colours of a tagboard. I'd like to emphasize the words that really irked the hell out of me. "colours are KIND OF WRONG". In all seriousness, what gives this clown the right to critique someone else's preference? Is he the creator of tag-board? Is he a "master of colours"?....Whatever the hell that is. I certainly don't think he fits into the latter or the former with the exception of the category known as JACK***. I mean come on man, a tagboard is a damn tagboard and it will function as one no matter whether the colour of it is blue or black or as pink as this imbicile's gluteous maximus. But I majorly digress.
You see, we can apply such a simple example of sheer disrespect, and total incoherence of the logic of freedom of choice to our daily lives. These people who are politely known as pessimists, should just be called pieces of pig snot and be shot. It's one thing to be constructive with criticism, but boy it's another to criticise when such comments are not due and hence this is more or less equal to rolling poo into little balls and flinging it at the person or his work.
The question here really lies within the individual. If the person could actually channel all that energy used to complain and whine, and have the testicular fortitude to get up from his lard-filled posterior, so as to help the person out, wouldn't that make the world a much better place to inhabit?
The following rant could not have been typed if not for my sheer hatred of pessimists. Oh yeah A((corn)), where ever you are, whoever you are, I really appreciate you for allowing me to realise the extent of pessimism and for bringing me out of the stasis of not having anything to rant about. Thanks for being in a useless part of society. God bless because you really need it to go far in life.
haha, i mean i just tagged my friend's blog and i've been offically labeled as a pessimist. Those who know me i mean, how much of a pessimist does this girl have? Life is beautiful, come on. I'm the least of a pessimist that anyone can be?! I'm not a guy either. He's making assumptions, badd. According to all those writaec(sp?) cards that is. Haha.
Thanks for being in a useless part of society. God bless because you really need it to go far in life. Oh, its my pleasure! Come on, dont judge people like this. Because of you and that weird SJI guy yesterday i am SO sterotyping St Joesph Insituition. Thats the kind of guys they produce. Dont send your kid there.
On a lighter note though, i found that guy totally hilarious. Or maybe its just me. He taught me something.. That making useless judgments and assumptions about people gets you nowhere. Know some one personally before you actually give comments on that person's life.
Oh and these were the comments on his tagboard
xiao an: White is a negation of colour and therefore technically what he is saying is that the absence of colour is the wrong colour. Congratulations.
xiao an: Acorn is probably a nickname in association with his limited brain capacity.
aaron: yes ACORN u are a lamer.
(Read from bottom to top)
A((corn)) was created because i was lame and corny. Now that was a good guess. haha. ( :
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 10:23 pmMonday, April 05, 2004
i cannot shout.
There is no way
to let it all out
I cannot move [I'll fall]
Hold my hand
To breathe is painful [ow]
I cannot even stand
I'm rolling on the ground
Like a string without its end
As though there's some horizon
And hope for me
Finally when i can stand proud, stand tall
The sun sets- someone pushes
And again i fall.
I didnt write it for myself. Its just a poem about the lifes of todays teenagers. sigh.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 6:23 pm
I guess i'm really beginning to have the feeling of what its like to be in a team and i think i am really that glad that i didnt forgo squash for girls brigade or go for the elds tryouts or anything because i really enjoy squash as a cca, and the friends i've made throught it. We can bitch about Mr Law and all. haha, must train hard!! i want to get back at MGS and SCGS. AH. We wont lose to them once our time comes. nononoway.
Maybe its just the sweat that brings each of us together and the emotion assurance that your team mates are cca members give you. Putting every difference aside and just focusing 100% on the game. Especially when you are the last player, i understand how stressful it is to have to go through the last set. Like its do or die yeah? For both matches i've watched Mabel was under a tremendous amount of pressure: against Mgs- if i lose, we lose. against ny- if i lose we wont have a clean sheet of 5-0. it looks better than 4-1. But over all we rocked the squash courts down.
I'm getting a nosglatic about orentiation. And all the Raffles intiation sessions when we cheered the hall tumbling. I see where all the effort the RI goes to.. Yeah. I think i'm going to be patriotic about raffles. how much i think those who arent in sports cca are missing out.
I need to get pts for my activity card. I havent gotten any. time is running out
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 5:37 pmSunday, April 04, 2004
Anyway, i got myself a modblog. Of course i really think blogspot is nicer! ( : haha. I really really like the show. The butterFLY!!! Yay, i want to buy that dvd. Hehh. This is really lame. And i'm watching an irritating show. GAnsh.. sighh.
I dont know why i spend so much time on the computer. GAg. I'm lazy now, vocabulary is getting from bad to worse. I cant spell. Oh mann, i sound so whiny. Help! i want to cry. i dun know why
this entry is nothing just me and my brain sprouting stuff i dun know what i'm thinking about i'm trying to keep myself calm i want to scream i want to shout i want to let it all out.. i want to live. not just exist.
prayer;praise;promises`_____ 5:16 pm